Ask and you shall receive. Sperm that is

So less then four hours ago I wrote a blog about my concerns of getting pregnant. As a gay family this is something that we have to think about more than an average straight family. My blog stated my main concerns about who what how where and when with my pregnancy. (Just read the damn thing its only three paragraphs long) Within minutes of posting it I had a huge response from many of my friends wishing me luck on my journey and to my surprise I had three of my friends even offer their husbands goods to do the job for me. My heart has exploded with joy just thinking that there are people who love me and my family enough to offer such a gift. One friend in particular shared her own pregnancy journey and the struggles her and her family has went through. Pregnancy is a heartbreaking thing for a lot of couples gay or straight. When I couldnt think my friends were any better I got a private message from one friend that Jessie and I adore and call her our secret best friend. Why a secret you might ask? Well its because we have never met and she lives thousands of miles away. If it wasnt for a plane ride Jessie had been taking from New York back to Wisconsin we wouldnt even know she existed. In her message she shared her own story. She also was a high risk pregnancy and has had many issues when trying to make a family of her own. One would think that having such a hard time she would want to keep every drop of that "good stuff" for herself. It was completely the opposite. She took it upon herself to talk to her husband and said that they both supported us and wanted to help in any way possible. She had said it was because of their hard times that they wanted to help with our issue of getting pregnant as well. After the shock wore off a bit and she had told me a hundred times that she and her husband were dead serious reality set in. Now mind you Jessie and I are in no hurry to get pregnant. We are in the beginning steps of growing our family. For someone be on our side and offering to help in our matter even though we technically have never met is mind blowing. It gives me hope that our dream of growing our family could become an actual reality. Even if plans (none really made yet fyi) change and we go different path for our conception I will always hold a special place in my heart for this woman and man that care for me and my family. So as time moves on and decisions are made I hope I can write the amazing story that will be adding a life to the Inda family.

The problem with pregnancy

Having a family is the most wonderful thing in the world. Being a mother to a beautiful two year old girl has been my greatest joy. When I talk to my partner about extending our family she looks at me with a smile on her face and says of course we can. Sounds perfect, sounds simple, sounds like we should get going. Ah but its not. Nothing brings me more joy and heartbreak all at once then thinking about getting pregnant. For a gay couple having children is well impossible. One of us is obviously missing certain key parts to make a baby. (Im not going to explain any more on that. If you dont know how babies are made my blog might be a bit much for you.) Our first daughter was created the old fashioned way and we refuse to go down that road again. So the questions begin. How are we going to do it? How will we get the much needed man juice? Will it be from a friend or a sperm bank. Who will be the carrier? The list of questions goes on and on. Literally thousands of dollars could potentially spent trying to get pregnant and each time is no guarantee. Thats why each time I think of extending our family I almost cry.

I was watching The Real L Word and a couple on the show went through a year of hell to get pregnant and then when they did they lost the baby at six months into the pregnancy. Losing a child and miscarrying a baby is horrible for anyone but I grieved for them a little more than a straight couple knowing how hard it was for them to even get pregnant. (Not saying all straight people have an easy time getting pregnant either) Do I want to go through all that work, money, and stress just to be left empty handed? How does somebody even come back from that?

As a high risk pregnancy I was a complete wreck with Penny not knowing that she would be fine. The outcome of the nine month of misery was well worth it. I have never known perfection until I saw her face for the first time. Jessie and I have so much love for her that we want to share that with another child. A struggle it will be but I keep telling myself the result will be more than worth it. So now Im off to try and answer the hundreds of questions of how and Ill get back to you when I have some answered.

Momma, Mommy and Me

I want you to think back at a time when you were a child. Who was the first person you went to when you were mad, sad, happy, or just wanted someone to talk to? Mine was my mother (thats a whole other blog though) The old saying two heads are better than one is oh so true. I like to call it two moms are better than one. I believe my daughter has it made by having two moms. Double the love and comfort mothers can give. Now mind you she wasn't born with two moms. When I met my girlfriend she was on her way out to California to start her career and finally live out her dream. Who wouldn't rather be in California than Wisconsin. We went out a few times and still she had planned to move that all changed when she met penny. Now I'm not saying my child is so adorable that she could make anyone drop their life long dreams and stay living in hell. Something about that first time the met something clicked like an automatic bond. I still to this day wonder if penny is really Jessie's child and not mine. At the time I think that the last thing on Jessie's mind was to become a mother but in a matter of weeks that exactly what she had become. She was a natural. Penny was ten months when we started dating so Jessie has been there for all her big moments. Jessie taught her one of her first words, helped her to start crawling, and when penny finally decided to start walking her first steps were to Jessie and not me. Like I said I often wonder if she is Jessie's child. She has blonde hair just like her. They have the same taste in music and dance moves. The same mannerisms and same vocabulary. She is the first one penny imitates. Penny loves her exactly the same as she loves me to say that this is not a true family is the most laughable thing I've ever heard. We are the true example of family and love. Jessie dropped everything to be apart of us. I can't imagine mine and penny's life without her.

Dear Mr. President

In the 2008 election I was so proud to be voting for a president that I actually believed in. Change Change Change Yes we can Yes we can Yes we can. I now here I sit four years later and wondering where my change exactly is? I feel even more lost than I did back then. Two things I am so passionate about, medical marijuana and equality for all, my beloved president can't seem to make up his mind on. When he was running his campaign he promised that marijuana patients would be protected and the medication would be easily available. He made me feel that all states would be able to receive this as a viable medication option. The opposite of that dream world is what we are living in now. Dispensaries which pay state and federal taxes are being raided on a daily basis. Peoples lively hoods are being destroyed by the government. Patients are unable to receive their medication. Lives are being ruined. All of this under President Obama's command. A man who has admitted that he has used marijuana. "As a kid I inhaled quite frequently. That was the point.""I think that we need to rethink and decriminalize our marijuana laws. But I’m not somebody who believes in legalization of marijuana. What I do believe is that we need to rethink how we are operating in the drug wars, and I think that currently we are not doing a good job.” This was his stance back in 2007 on how to treat marijuana. I couldn't agree with him more. Im not looking for full legalization (but I would vote that way if the option ever came up to vote) only for patient use. This is a drug that over and over has been proven to help with thousands of issues. Now in 2012 he is treating marijuana as a hard core drug that needs to be stopped, which is hurting more than helping. Do I think he used his stance on marijuana to gain votes back in 2008? Yes and now he's using his new stance to do the same as well. As a lesbian woman I hope you can see how this scares the shiz out of me. In 2010 when he repealed don't ask don't tell I cried. It was a movement that this country needed and now with that he is standing up for marriage equality it seems that we keep moving forward. Do I think he is using this to gain votes? YES. I just pray that he won't flip flop on this issue as well. Mr. President you do have my vote but how does that saying go? "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me"

Small Town Gay Mom: Heads or Tails?

Small Town Gay Mom: Heads or Tails?: I recently have started therapy. I am loving every minute of it. To sit down with a complete stranger and spill everything inside of you out...

Heads or Tails?

I recently have started therapy. I am loving every minute of it. To sit down with a complete stranger and spill everything inside of you out is a strange but rewarding experience. At my last session my therapist asked me "Kim what is the opposite of love?" I obviously answered hate. Makes sense doesn't it? Isn't that what we are taught since we were young? The real answer which after explanation made perfect sense. It all came together. Apathy. Apathy is the act of not caring or doing nothing. Love and hate are such passionate feelings that they tend to be on the same side of the feeling spectrum. That's why I find it so funny with all these extreme anti gay groups. They are so passionate about denouncing our love. It consumes them to the fullest extent. Then I sat and really thought about this. They have the same amount of passion that LGBT supportive groups have just on the opposite side of the coin. If the could only just flip that coin over to the other feeling. How easy of a step it is from hate to love. Now how exactly to do that? I am not sure. I know my coming out has changed a few minds for the better. I think when anyone who is anti gay realizes that they have a person in their life who is gay it flips that coin for some. You really don't have to look hard to find someone gay in every ones life. That's what everyone needs to realize. Someone you love and care about is gay, so why turn to hate.

Coming out of the closet. I'm not even sure if I was ever in there

Most gays have that coming out moment in life. You know where they finally have come to terms with their sexuality and embraced their new life. For many this is a life changing experience. It can be one of the hardest challenges that they face. And then there's me. I'm not sure if I ever really was in that imaginary place. This is a really strange feeling for me. I found myself as a lesbian at 25 years old having multiple relationships with men and one with a woman. You would think living in a small town and being what my girl friend liked to refer me as baby gay ( a term I found most offensive ) I would be scared to let my new feelings show. They didn't phase me a bit. I in some way feel cheated on my gay experience. Why should it have been so easy for me to tell and show everyone the new me? I felt like not a true gay for not going through that hardship of finding myself and coming to terms with it. My only guess is that when something feels so right and natural it's not hard to show off. This is who I am. This is who I'm proud to be. Now let me clarify not everyone was so comfortable with the new me. I have lost many friends and family members due to my new status but even with all that I truly believe that coming out for me was as easy as breathing. My hope for others is that of you struggle about who you are it will be hard but the end result is so much better. If you need help ask for it or if you're lucky enough like me that has a partner to hold your hand through it all then you will be just fine.